Why do i allow myself to open up and be vulnerable to such painful lashing. the one responsible for such is even unmindful, for i know it is not intended. it is my choice alone to feel such anguish...it's inevitable. i know by now i should have healed, its been long enough...too long perhaps. how much longer does my heart have to suffer when the mere sight of her sends shards of glass that pierce through me? all i have to do is walk away, right? be civil at most. but no...i had to be expectant...stupid. but this is me. i have always been this way when it comes to this unknowing perpetrator. i can't stop. she will forever hurt me for i am a masochist...if it takes agonizing pain for me to keep her in my life, then...so be it. i am ready.
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