I'm Blue?

A while ago, "out of the blue", i got a text message from my bff:

Jo: Do you watch Foster's home for imaginary friends? You remind me of Blue! Hehe

Me: Do i look like a roll on deo to you?! Why Blue?

Jo: Well, sort of, haha. Its his antics. By th way, call me Marimar, i'm curly now.

Oh Jo, whats new. I miss you, and i know you miss me too.
And I'm glad I'm gonna be seeing her tomorrow :) ...
to lasting friendships....

im a masochist

Why do i allow myself to open up and be vulnerable to such painful lashing. the one responsible for such is even unmindful, for i know it is not intended. it is my choice alone to feel such anguish...it's inevitable. i know by now i should have healed, its been long enough...too long perhaps. how much longer does my heart have to suffer when the mere sight of her sends shards of glass that pierce through me? all i have to do is walk away, right? be civil at most. but no...i had to be expectant...stupid. but this is me. i have always been this way when it comes to this unknowing perpetrator. i can't stop. she will forever hurt me for i am a masochist...if it takes agonizing pain for me to keep her in my life, then...so be it. i am ready.

this is you to me

marking the end of a life's chapter, i stepped out into the open
in an instant, you greeted me with your warmth
caressed the skin on my face, scorching me with love and jubilation
you were summer

traversing the unmarked paths, you held my hand
deep into the woodlands you led me
but slowly your grip seemed lackadaisical
letting the lifeless leaves fall on my uncertain soul
you were autumn

there i stood alone in the piercing cold, and it hurt
but your constant arctic savagery left me numb
void of passion...sentiment ...forgiveness
you were winter

time passed, the ice caps are melting
the wind is passing me and im breathing it in...the first sign of life
filling me with hopes of a new beginning
you are spring

oh Freud!

Written October 16, 2007 - after talking to an ex who almost drove me insane

Oh Freud You've made a breakthrough
The 'talking cure' The mind - we can see through
But oh Freud
Why did you have to make my subconscious the master?
That desires of my id gasp for air
While my indecisive ego seeks for answers

Oh Freud Why did you have to be so reminiscent
That a thing of the past haunts my present
Well Freud I just wish you were here
Dissect my being
My being that is queer